The best way to be robbed, ever

Yesterday was intense my friends. We have been having some serious travel-life lessons here in Ecuador, and yesterday was undoubtably the most intense so far.

That said, it was still a very good day. Our life is complex, I suppose.

A little background, Saturday was an awkward day for me. We were trying to get from Tena to a small town in the Amazon and everything felt wrong to me. I was vibrating on uncomfortable and anxious, unable to shake the feeling that I had slipped into the wrong skin that morning. I was clumsier than usual: knocking things off shelves, walking into stationary objects at eye level, and unable to string a sentence together in Spanish or English.

I was so wound up Bitty was being affected by my mood. Well, she had been a bit spacey honestly, which is usually my cup of tea. We did not end up finding the correct bus that day, because life in Ecuador insists on being difficult.

So Sunday we get out earlier and go find our bus stop. And then waited close to two hours (these buses are meant to come hourly) while horrible off-key religious music played loudly nearby without stop. Torture.

We transferred to our waterfall hike in the jungle with a rotating grip of children laying in various poses against my seat and/or myself, two little punks even fumbling through some of the girls' bags while they looked the other way.

But we arrived and paid $2.00 per person to hike up a slippery, muddy puddle of a path until we came to slime-covered boulders along the river. While I was debating which precarious path would be easiest managed a friendly wasp/bee decided to welcome me to the area with a love tap from his ass to my spine. I did myself proud by whining loudly until I could force Bitty to take a look and pity me. "Yep, it's red and very swollen." Disappointing.

But here is where Bitty's incredibly unbalanced grocery bag-purse decided to throw her off the slippy top of a boulder and into the river. Good news is she has instincts like a cat and was able to save her camera from any harm. The bad news? Her head and body got smashed.


We settle under the waterfall, Bitty unpacking her important stuff from her bag to let it dry out, and we go for a dip in the base of the falls. I am still slightly ill-at-ease and don't get into the water, preferring to stay at the edge of the water.

We munch on cookies and chat about human morality (is it natural or engrained by society?) when I see some movement out of the corner of my eye. I yelp and rush to check Bitty's sun-drying items as another young hooligan takes off running with the grocery bag and my rainbow wrap flying behind him.

The above photo is just moments before B's grocery bag was taken for a run. See, those boulders even look super slippy! I jumped up and looked at the rock featured in the foreground of the above photo, and Bitty's camera case is empty! I immediately take off running after the punk and just as I tumble off my own boulder (it was really slippery people!) the grocery bag throws the runner off balance. I roll up to my feet immediately and continue my pursuit, when Bitty calls me back because everything precious had been removed from the bags to dry out. All the little thief had was a pair of dirty underwear, my torn rainbow wrap, a guidebook, and our other package of cookies.

We were saddened, but mostly by the loss of our cookies. We mourned our losses, packed up, and headed back down the trail. Then some small kid comes up the path towards me with the grocery bag. I point at the little bastard and give him the come-here finger wiggle.

He tries to give me some story about how he stopped the much larger and older thief and got our bag back for us, and then puts his hand out for a reward. Bitty laughs at him as I look through the bag, the cookies are intact!

I give him my best withering look, pass the bag back to Bitty and say "gracias". Because when someone steals and then finds your sentimental belongings worthless, I suppose you should thank them for not just throwing it away. A larger kid appears from the side to ask again for a reward as we pass along the trail, so we said our "buenas tardes" and passed by. 

It was really too good to be true. And yet, we have become part of the 50% of tourists we know who get robbed in Ecuador, at yet we didn't actually loose anything. The worst thing is that now Bitty's grocery bag undoubtedly has a complex since it threw her off a rock, got taken on a run by a young latin suitor, and then unceremoniously returned to us without so much as even a goodbye from the pack of boys. We think it is still working out some Stockholm Syndrome issues. 

We spent the evening watching a tribe of monkeys who run the town of Misahuallí interact with tourists and one another on the beach in the jungle. Bitty had a headache for hours (she smacked her head pretty hard) and I felt like someone had beaten me with a bat, but otherwise we sipped coconut water calmly in the shade.

Another good day!

Lesson learned? Hopefully!

**UPDATE**

Bitty definitely was concussed. She had a hard time putting thoughts in order and remembering things, so the next day we played the fun game of make B in charge of directions and see how confused and lost we can get.  It was a good time.

How I finally married my friends!

This post is long overdue. It is from June 2012, but this Lent I decided to dedicate myself to writing for both blogs rather than just focusing on the travel one. That means that all the side stories and random thoughts that I have meant to include here may, in fact, get included over the next 40 days.

And to appease the small voice in my head that is in shock and horror at the idea of 2 blogs while I am trying to survive day to day down south... Yep, this is going to be intense. But two posts a week will not kill us, and it's only 40 days!

You know what today is? Valentine's Day, which as you can tell from one of my only posts last year, is one of my favorite holidays. What better way to write about a holiday to celebrate love than by reminiscing about the last time I saw it in action, right?

Ashley and Scott are so much in love with one another it just makes me happy to be in the same room with them. Which is good, because they let my broke bum crash on their sofa for the entirety of my stay in Seattle for their wedding! And it is not as awkward as I would have thought to stay in a newlyweds' apartment (but thankfully I dropped them off at their hotel room the night of the wedding), maybe because I am such a heavy sleeper?

The days/minutes up to the wedding were as stressful as one would imagine, since we wrote their ceremonies and vows literally the night before. But as expected, everything went wonderfully. I cried my eyes out with happiness, drank my weight in booze on multiple occasions,

including all of the pre-festivities (thanks to the to-go Sangria from our favorite Mexican restaurant), was sober enough to deliver the ceremony with no huge mistakes (except maybe holding the mic too close when I was talking a little harshly of a fellow wedding party attendant during the rehearsal (which was honestly a little intentional)), laughed and danced with my friend-date from California, and basked in the glow of their love.

We looked damn good (largely because we did one another's hair)! I also learned that it is no wonder that people meet at weddings, that kind of glowing affection between the couple mixed with serious booze and people in suits and dresses? Yes please, adorable red haired venue assistant!

But I was well behaved, made sure that Ashley kept up with me on our champaign consumption (just like the old roommate days)

and then made it to the hotel with her new husband (and out of the complicated dress she had chosen for herself)!

The wedding was decorated largely by Ashley's thrift store-crafting addiction, flowers provided by a friend, photos by a ridiculously talented friend, and me, the friend-officiant. Such a smart woman with impeccable taste in the entire ceremony and her friends!

Scott was there for the decisions, the endless crafting, the crying and the laughing. He was her rock and cheerleader to stand up for what she wanted and such the hero of the day!

I love you both dearly. I think you will make a fantastic example for me of how life can work out, how two people can be happy together as they are, and how sometimes I am really not loosing a best friend to her new husband, but gaining another person to watch horrible reality TV with at night!

You two are the best, and I can't wait to come sleep on your couch again soon (I'm still broke as sin!!). Thanks for the pics via Facebook Rene Banks Photography, Jami, and Erin. Oh! and thanks Jami for being the best date ever, couldn't have done it without you!

To the very understanding police officer who probably should have given me a sobriety test

Friday, February 24, 2012

Dear Police Officer:

First of all, thank you for not arresting me.  In hindsight, i really seem to have given you as much reason as i possibly could have to not only give me a sobriety test, but to also consider me to be a danger to myself or others on the road.  There is an explanation of all of my behavior, i promise you, and this is the exact reason i am writing to you.

I promise you i was not lying when i said that i wasn't texting while driving.  I'm well aware that i am not even coordinated enough to jog, much less operate a vehicle while attempting to send a coherent message on my old-school phone.  I was attempting to force my ancient hunk of phone to silence itself so that i could calmly listen to the end of All Things Considered on NPR.  This is not always an easy task when you have a phone as old as mine.  Let me backtrack and give you some information on what i was doing today before you had to pull me over:

I recently realized that there is not much time let to me before i have to have my life in order so i can travel for an indefinite period of time through Latin America.  Today was not a busy afternoon at work by any standards.  This left quite a lot of time to have a mini panic attack, which always leads me to try to organize details into color-coordinated lists with time deadlines.  So my desk at work is covered in mini post-it notes of varying shades scattered in particular over my desk calendar on the deadlines i have self-imposed.  

But post-it notes cannot jump up of their own accord and come track me down to ensure i am sticking to this schedule.  My solution: to enter in a list of things i needed to do this weekend into my cell phone, and since i was most likely leaving on time today from work (as it was sooo slow) it would go off as i was pulling up to my house, around 530.  Good plan, right?

No.  Not really.  As it turns out, i ended up having a little talk with a co-worker before i left for the day, which carried past 5.  This put me on the road and driving when my cell phone started screaming at me to accomplish the tasks i had just recently set for myself.  Yes, you are right there are buttons on the side of the phone that should, in theory, silence this phone without much more than a little push.  But these small buttons on a (minimum, i really do not remember when i first purchased this thing) 5 year old phone do not work consistently, and this was one of those days it was not working.

So i would have to find another way to silence this thing.  Yes, I probably should have pulled over.  But i knew that i would soon be approaching the stop light on Munras & Fremont that is ALWAYS red.  Even though i would be turning right, there would be no way, i thought, that i wouldn't have to stop for a bit and wait to merge into traffic.  Good plan, right?

No.  Surprise!  The light was green.  I know, crazy right?  It is NEVER green.  Not once.  And i have driven this thing countless times.  So here i am, phone ringing incessantly and sitting in my hand on the steering wheel driving on Fremont.  It's loud, and i really just want to know what they are talking about on NPR.  So yes, i am a bit distracted.  Good news is that the light at the end of Fremont to get onto Highway 1 is coming up, and i ALWAYS have to sit through 2 reds before i can jump on that onramp (they should really have longer green lights to accommodate all the traffic on Fremont).

I imagine this is where you saw me.  I open up the flip portion of my phone to get to the calendar properly, because i did not simply want to delete the entire message of what this weekend had in store for me.  And then the stupid light changed.  So here i am, open phone that is screaming its little head off, and now i'm pulling up to nearly the front of the line to get onto the freeway.  I manage to get the phone silenced, and i place it between my knees instead of trying to maneuver it back into it's little pocket in my purse.  Perfect, i'm done.

Except, this is when i saw you sitting one car in front of me to the right.  And i panic.  Because it is evening-ish time and one of the bulbs in the front of my car are out.  And my lights are the type that are always on.  Many people, and i mean many, have repeatedly reminded me to replace those bulbs.  Often.  For a month.  And then reminded me that it is illegal to drive around without having it fixed.  But i am leaving the country in a month, and i have been known to say "it's only a little bit of time, and light bulbs are expensive.  Why replace it now when it's just going to be parked forever?"

So i panicked.  I was sure you were going to ticket me for my headlight, so i lurched forward to turn on my brights.  Maybe you hadn't noticed that the light was out, and it's not dark enough yet to make the brights really blinding for onlookers.  In my awkward haste to flip those bad boys on, my cell phone slipped from between my knees and onto the floor.  But maybe i was safe.  Maybe you hadn't seen my lights.  And then the light changed, and you pulled me over.

As you sauntered up to my open window, i was cursing myself for not having replaced that light.  You introduced yourself, and very politely asked me if i knew why you had pulled me over.

"Um... Why?"  Thinking i absolutely knew the reason.

"For texting while driving"

And then i bust up laughing.  I know that one is NEVER supposed to laugh at a serious cop.  I know this!  And yet, i was so surprised at the response i couldn't help myself.  I stopped abruptly and responded as seriously as i was able "Oh, I wasn't texting while driving.  I was turning off my alarm"

We then had the discussion about how operating a phone at all without hands free is not allowed while also operating a vehicle, which i had not realized, i thought it was only talking/texting, and you mentioned how it seemed that i have a flip phone and asked if you could see it.  So I agreed happily and went to reach for it under my chair.  This is when i noticed you staring not at my face but into my car somewhere (in hindsight, you were probably looking at the floor to see where i was reaching to make sure i wasn't going to shoot you or something) and i immediately assumed that you were looking at my console, where it clearly shows that my brights are on and i'm missing a headlight (yes there is a light that reminds me constantly to replace that light).

"You threw your cell phone on the floor?" (with heavy disbelief in my innocence of knowing i can't turn off my alarm while driving, or possibly that i wasn't texting at all)

"Oh no it fell."

"It fell?  What were you doing?"

"Turning on my lights... cause you know... it's getting dark, and i like to be careful and such.  See, this is what i was doing with my calendar."

Your doubt was written all over your face as you asked for my license and registration.  I had the ID handy and then started digging through my glove box, so i didn't seem the quite the idiot i usually do when i hand any officer the entire contents of that little compartment since i have no idea what you actually want.

"Are you still at River Street in Santa Cruz?"

"Oh, no i live down here now"

"What's your current address?"

"Oh, it's like 140 or 180 Erik or Aaron or some name in Marina.  But you can send mail to the Santa Cruz address, it all gets forwarded to me in Marina"

"You don't know where you live?"

"Um... i guess not.  I'm only there for like a month so i didn't memorize it.  I know how to get there, though.  Is this the registration?"

"Yes...  So you're a blonde?"

Now please note that i am well aware how awkward and halting my responses have been.  I am trying to conceal my burnt-out headlight from a police officer, and i'm an awkward person to begin with.  So your random question threw and, honestly, offended me.  Were you calling me slow?  "NO!!  I'm a brunette!  Doesn't it say that on there?  I ALWAYS put that i have brown hair.  Here, see i'll show you my other ID, it says my hair's brown."

And then i handed you my Wyoming driver's license.  No, i wasn't thinking that it's illegal (but i did know that) to have two driver's licenses.  I was trying to prove that i wasn't a blonde.

"You have two driver's licenses?"

"See, brown hair."  Because even in the picture on this ID my hair is brown.

"M'am.  Will you please take off you sunglasses?"

"Oh, right.  Of course."  And as you walked away and i listened to NPR (which i had not taken the time to turn down, so it was blaring) i began to think this entire situation over a little bit.  Who blasts NPR in their car?  I realized that being in a rush to turn on my headlights (and in particular my brights) while my sunglasses were still on might have come off as ridiculous.  And i'm a wimp when it comes to being outside without the sunglasses, so i could only squint up at you.  I laughed at you about my "texting" (out of relief and the sheer idea that i, of all uncoordinated people, would even try it).  My phone had been on the floor, and i jerked down to grab it like a psycho.  I didn't know where i live.  I couldn't remember that the photo on my CA ID has blonde hair, and i happen to have a second driver's license.  Wow.

I  was surprised you hadn't made me get out of the car.  I was going to have to be really normal when you came back up here.

"M'am i've written you a citation for texting while driving"

"Oh, i wasn't texting.  I was... Oh right, sorry carry on please."

"This isn't an omission of guilt, but it's a citation for texting while driving.  Please sign on the line.  The paperwork will come in a few weeks."  

"Oh, a few weeks?  That's not....  Ok!"

"Do you have any questions?"

"Um... no?"  I totally did, but I didn't know if that was normal.  "Should i?"

"Really?"

"No.  No i don't have any questions."  I was sure that i wasn't supposed to have questions.  And there was a handy phone number on my yellow paper since i did.  I would ask them if we could expedite this process since i'm leaving.  But i didn't want to add any stuff to the already long list of reasons why i seem like a dangerous person (like i'm fleeing the country with no forwarding address) and giving you any more reason to arrest me.

"Thank you for your cooperation."

"Thank you for your time."  And then you gave me the strangest look.  "Well, i'm not going to thank you for the ticket."

You didn't just drive away immediately.  You sat there in your car while i put everything away and watched me.  This was the first time that had ever happened to me when pulled over, and i was nervous.  Were you waiting to pull me over again for the headlight and possible intoxicated driving?  I tried to seem as normal as possible as i neurotically put everything back (i hate to lose things in my purse) where it belongs.

I promise you, i wasn't texting.  And i'm not as crazy as i may have seemed.  But thank you for not arresting me.  And for giving me both my IDs back.  And for either not noticing my headlight, or choosing to ignore it for my sake.

Hopefully at least this will make a decent "this one time, i pulled over a crazy person and let her go" story.

alison